Christmas is considered by many as a time for coming together; families re-convene around the triumvirate extravagances of tree, gift and fayre, friends return home to renew old acquaintance and in general we are encouraged to relax into the soporific of the familiar. Or so goes the shiny and dare I suggest, lightly sparkling veneer.
Not to say that any of the above is not true or worthy of celebration but I would like us all to take a moment this Christmas to think about what 'coming together' could mean for us and for others, beyond a surface that intends to cleverly emulate, for the purposes of stimulating seasonal hysteria and light hypnosis, both frost and opulence simultaneously.
At this part of the service other commentators would no doubt ask us to stretch ourselves (but only a little, please, it is Christmas and you deserve a 'break') and cast our minds outside of the turkey shoot, beyond the frivels and dribbles, to those less fortunate than ourselves this Christmas time. Of course it is in the nature of things, just as poverty and famine is dragged behind the cart of wealth and gluttony, that those who instruct us so tenderly to spare a thought for the welfare of others near (and far by george! because most Christmas goods now come from 'far' and we have brave boys wherever 'far' may be to make sure they jolly well keep on coming) are themselves far (but in this case noticeably and away) more wealthy than the masses who have so callously forgotten those 'other' masses who often, especially in densely populous areas, live right next door.
So as part of my Christmas message of Love! and Yes! I would like us all this year to join together and spare absolutely no thought at all whatsoever for those less fortunate than ourselves. After all in many cases we will spare the thought and then find, through our own moral or fiscal decrepitude, that there is in fact no-one less fortunate than ourselves and that thought will then be wasted, contributing to global emissions of vapid, disposable pre-packaged thoughts busily consuming the skin of organic, re-usable thoughts, permeating the atmosphere, that protect us from cosmic evisceration and complete self-annihilation.
I would also like to remind the belligerent Scrooge-like do-gooders who do spare a thought for others that sparing a thought is not the same as sparing any expense or even spending any of that spared expense upon the welfare of others not fortunate enough to have any expense to spare. Of course if such unfortunates had spared a thought, or had any thoughts to spare in the first place, then they wouldn't be in such an ill-conceived situation of their own un-making. Christmas is a time to bear that in mind.
It is of no less a surprise that our monarch, The Queen, traditionally along with the Son of the King, Cliff Richard, our nation's key purveyor of timely Christmas reminders, also reminds us at Christmas that any attempt to spare thoughts when actual fiscal expenditure is expected, for example when purchasing goods, services or Cliff Richard merchandise, may result in you being invited to spend Christmas in Her Majesty's own seemingly inexhaustable (if they let off rapists and the rich with community service) hospitality. becuase you know what when you look more than skin deep we're all rich really and we're all rapists and after all it is Christmas. And Christmas is a time of peace and goodwill to all men, and as any Iraqi or Allied soldier will tell you peace comes at a price, and we all know too well ourselves goodwill is at the bosses'/landlords'/coppers'/magistrates'/_______s' discretion, so anybody getting anything for nothing, other than me, this Christmas would frankly be an insult to God, Queen and Country!
Picture this. A Christmas postcard of my own childhood. It's Christmas dinner and the knives are out...for the prodigal son hath returned to the fold, and after the elders have miraculously turned their upteenth carafe of Christmas spirit into a rich, golden stream of unflushable rennet, they decide with telepathic unanimosity that the true meaning of family togetherness at Christmas is that all members of the family, tribe, hamlet... in fact all of God's Creation, should agree with their own hastily assembled Christmas gift of missionary positioned zeal and compassion, an unconditional (well maybe on the condition of tougher border controls, ID cards and the threat of ASBOs) acceptance of the world's less fortunate as less fortunate. And in doing so they are doing the poor unfortunates a favour. And in a Christmas miracle of sorts the spirit of togetherness ensures my Christmas companions are simultaneously being done the same favour by Wise men and Women the world over.
So in the spirit of the LoveYes! distribution don't waste a second upon woolly dreams of a closely-knitted Christmas, rather meditate solely upon yourself and gaze deeply into your own annus horribilis. Somewhere deep inside you will find yourself, entangled amongst everybody else, all the unfortunates writhing as one rippling, quivering mass of lubed-up pathos. As soon as you cease to think of these characters holed up inside you as 'other' (and therefore as less) there is suddenly a breaking of the waters and a fluid 'coming together' of petroleum-based explosions, a worldwide chain of orgiastic couplings and de-couplings rather than the isolated farts, snores, fatuous hurrahs and forced guffaws belched out this Day of Our Lord by those incestuous conjoined twin colossi; alliance and filiation.
So please join with us the NymphoYo this Yuletide in discovering the true meaning of x-mas in pledging yourself to do the right thing and in good grace fall out with each other for Christs' sake! Of course to fall out in this manner is not an equivalent to falling out of a house or a taxi (or even metaphorically), bruised and cold, into an ice-hardened vomit-slaked rut. Rather it is the essential expression of the LoveYes! axiomatic; an acceptance of each other's good fortune to be no more than one self and the acclesia of all creation.
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